


The Prettiest Flowers are Always the Guiltiest

by Sugahyung



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Poetry, abuse mention, blood mention, death mention, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 23:58:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugahyung/pseuds/Sugahyung
Summary: Somewhere for me to post all of my poetry





	1. My Dear Old Friend

After so long you would think my heart would stop beating  
You’d think the sweat would stop pouring  
The nerves all in my head shoving threatened tears to the surface of my eyes   
My hands shake   
It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, my dear friend   
If that’s what you call friends   
I shouldn’t talk to you  
I shouldn’t even look at you  
Last time I did my heart kept pounding, I felt I would lose consciousness   
Last time had been so self destructive   
You mock the happiness I’ve always wanted to find   
You mock my tears and the sadness and all the pent up screams that these years can cause   
I can see you  
Too close to ever be comfortable   
Red  
Dripping   
All over my arm   
It had been so long, but the feeling was so familiar, the sight just as well  
I promised I wouldn’t   
But that promise was only to myself   
Who else would need to know


	2. I Am Alive

The snow falls, like little flower petals, from the sky, but much more violent, a gust of an unknown presence picks them from their peaceful trance, falling from the sky, moves them around, away from sight, as if they are nothing more than a dandelion fluff 

I sit and wonder, what will fall down on me today

A new place I come for safety, or what some may call, but it is just yet another building in my perspective, a place of barred doors, loud parents and I, the burden of them 

The 3rd house this month I am in, I know this will not last, so I attempt to block it out, continue staring at the world outside, hoping one day to be able to travel, find new acquaintances that eventually will say good bye to me 

The heavy presence of a deep voice, laced with alcoholic slurs fill my empty room, yet another father, dependant on the effects of an addiction to give him enough confidence to enter, enough to place tiny black and red marks on my small, tender body 

As he exits the room, slamming the wooden door with such a noise that it disturbs all peace in my inner core, I stare down at the marks, the black and blue ones left on my stomach 

The ache, the pain, it all reminds me that I am alive, and how my body reacts ever so quickly to the marks on me, the way I go from such a pale colour, skin, to such a shade of anger, makes me remember that I am alive 

I am alive

And as I stare down at the Crimson liquid dripping down my chest, then out the window, I see the white of the petals, falling peaceful once again, and wonder, what they might look like, such a shade of red


	3. Sunsets

You know  
When we are sad   
We love to look at sunsets   
I've known many who,   
When mad or sad  
Go and stare at the sky   
In the early evening,  
It is inevitable,   
If you wake up in the morning   
Or if you are left to rest in the arms of the dirt   
The sky will return   
It will come back   
If you are here   
Or if you are not   
It will come back,  
You know  
When we are sad  
We love to look at sunsets,  
The only constant thing in life   
The only promised thing,  
from tomorrow  
But life always breaks its promises   
The sunset  
It does not yell  
Nor does it make noise   
Or lock you in a cold pit of discomfort   
But what it does,  
The same as I,  
It bleeds red  
You know  
When we are sad   
We love to look at sunsets


	4. Pictures say a Thousand Words

I left early morning, to visit her, the wind, it blew relentlessly, as if attempting to push me back to the building I am supposed to call home 

Tiny flakes of white fell with them, creating piles on the ground, a sheet, in which would be ruined, by city men, in trucks 

But I continued, I needed to visit her, to see her again, her face such a pale colour, eyes kind and lovely such as my own, hair tangled, but still soft, as soft as her heart, her act

I walk alone, in early morning, to visit her, when I arrive, I open the fence, oh but what a beautiful home, in hopes I will be able to be in such a home with her one day 

When I see her, she is just as beautiful as I always remembered, and I begin to speak

"Mother," 

But she does not respond 

I tell her about this new home I am in, I tell her as if she is my best friend, just how horrid this home is 

But she does not respond 

I ask her if I may move back in her home. To be with her once again 

But she does not respond 

I reach down, grab the photo of her on the ground, she is so beautiful, and I tell her that 

But she does not respond 

After all, stones cannot speak,  
But pictures say a thousand words


	5. Mine

I would be 17

A simple high school character  
In such a place with just enough hormones to distinguish solid ground between childhood and adulthood

A simple high school dance  
It's crowded  
But I am claustrophobic   
Yet I attend   
To lose my mind for the night 

A simple crowd grown too big  
I exit; go to get some air  
I sit on the stairs  
As you pass by   
It passes your mind as an idea, to come and keep my company   
To bless me with your presence

A simple question   
"Would you rather be alone for a while right now?" 

Simple words  
Fallen from your lips  
26 letters rearranged to create the beautiful tones of your voice 

"No"  
The response I let tumble from my lips  
The way it descends could make you cringe  
So needy; so desperate   
But with me, you stayed

Anxiety  
A side effect of life   
This crowd so large  
So scary  
The thought of anything happening   
Making me wonder how I could protect you  
Keep you safe from life's hazards

In your arms  
You hold me  
The music gone quiet and slow   
The moment I felt your touch  
Your hands on my hips  
The crowd was gone

The fears, the worries  
With just your touch  
They were gone 

Just in that moment  
How your hands were so light on my hips  
What a feather light touch   
Like I could slip away from you at any moment

But what a touch to have  
When it is so gentle and loving   
But so rough;  
Gripping as though I could slip away   
At any given moment  
Holding onto me so tight   
I could never leave you 

But what a touch to have   
For just a moment in time  
That makes everything okay


	6. Guilty

She knew she was guilty

Everyone told her she wasn't

But at the times

Of her being in tears

Guilt bleeding

Overflowing from her fingertips 

Tears still falling

Another form of guilt 

And they told her she was being

Overdramatic

Stupid

"Just try thinking positively"

"But I am" 

"Then you shouldn't be sad" 

"But I am" 

And she knew in that moment

She was guilty


	7. Car Accident

She could feel control

Being pried from her 

Cold guilty fingers

Cold from holding on so tight

Onto the steering wheel

Onto his heart

Onto her sanity

 

Guilty

Because she did this

To herself 

And out of control

Spun the car

Spun her thoughts

 

My safety

Was you

Your arms

Your warmth

You

But you're gone

 

And those were her final thoughts

Before her thoughts spun out of control

And hit a tree


	8. Killing Me

Your arms around her 

Soft

Caring 

Strangling me 

 

Your words towards her 

Joyful

Soft 

Stabbing me 

 

Your eyes staring at her 

Loving

Soft

Burning my soul 

 

Your hand holding hers 

Gentle

Soft

Crushing me 

 

You 

In love with her 

Soft 

Caring 

Joyful 

Loving

Gentle

Killing me


	9. Finally

Her breath was cold 

Visible 

Cold as the hands that once held her

Kept her safe 

 

It was always in front of her 

Every time she took a breath

The smoke came out choppy from her trembling lips 

He was always there 

 

The storm outside raged 

White 

Relentless

Cold 

Power

Falling from the sky 

 

It resembled the one inside 

Their home 

Darkness suddenly 

Absorbed her body heat 

Power outage

She thought 

 

She could no longer see her breath in the darkness

He was gone 

 

The storm outside was less visible 

In the darkness 

He was gone

 

And though this outside force 

Was taking every piece of her body with it

She was at peace

Finally


	10. Danny Picks a Flower

5 years old 

Danny picks a flower

His first flower

He inhales the scent 

A sense of happiness

 

15 years old 

Danny picks a flower

Tears at the petals 

Like he tears at his own skin

Angry at the world

Angry at himself

How could he turn out like this?

A sense of hopelessness

 

25 years old 

Danny throws the flowers

A handing holding his 

A masculine hand

New rings adorning

A sense of hope 

 

35 years old

Danny picks a flower 

Places it next to a baby

His baby

His husband's baby

A little girl

A sense of beauty

 

55 years old

Danny gives her flowers

Wishes her luck 

Sends her to live out her dreams 

Happy tears

A sense of pride

 

75 years old

Danny picks a flower

Tears streaming

Heart bursting

Danny picks a flower

And places it on his husbands grave

Danny picks a flower

His final flower 

A sense of peace


End file.
